Five Paragraphs

September 16, 2011

Fare thee well

It brings me a vast amount of pleasure to begin today’s post with a brief and unexpected announcement: Two warm souls have send me words of encouragement through the graces of wordpress. These joyous alerts arrived at 11pm last evening, when I checked, by happenstance, the status of my email inbox.

Pray tell, you say – but your email inbox? Is that not a breach of your promise to us. It’s true my honored friends, I did promise to you in better times to spend evenings with family and friends and it’s this promise that I have broken.

But please, I beg of you, applaud me for the little restraint I managed to muster. It wasn’t until this morning that I looked to see who it was that had contacted me from the abyss. And though the anticipation kept me awake through the late hours of the night – I was happy to find that one, a story telling nomad, and the other a clever little kitty, are both invested in intrepid adventures through the world of their imaginations with determination.

And from another side of W, I ask you also to consider Ms.Rabbit Blog – a wild and feisty animal grown old but not soft. With the wisdom of a well traveled gypsy, she sends calm to the hearts of all twenty somethings, fearful of their own traitorous path. Carry on young ones, she cries, with your hearts empty and wounded, until you find a way to love – our only redemption.

Now, my fine readers, both new and old – I release you from the burden of betterment for two days. Revel in your time away with the debauchery of devils. May safe and benevolent winds carry you back.

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September 15, 2011

Write More, Publish Often

It may seem silly for a new writer to already be giving tips on writing. The blog though is mine and mine only so you can keep that opinion to yourself. Or hell, put it in the comment section if you want to make a big stink about it.

I’ve read that writers write when they learn to Write Badly, a simple sounding tip to side-step the hemming and hawing one usually does before sitting down to write. For public purposes, pretend to be like Amy Hempel – who says that a bad sentence drives her so batty, she can’t let herself see one on the page, or Muriel Spark, who supposed each word that entered the world from her pen was a direct message from God. But I feel sure that somewhere – in some leather journal with a thin silky ribbon – these women found a place to write very badly, albeit in secret.

The job of a writer, then, becomes to sort through all this bad writing – all these meaningless words and terrible phrases – and find inside them something worth holding onto. That thought scribbled in a marble notebook hastily and hardly legible could be something that someone has been waiting to hear. And this tip is more traditionally meant for first draft, I’m going to extend the idea to the very final draft too – because if you’re a person for whom few things are good enough – you may have to learn to just sit with things that you find intolerably terrible in order to publish anything at all.

I hate to Leave time to Revise because doing so means I wasn’t perfect, like I’d like to be in the first place. My daily fantasy is that the words I put on the page the very first time are good enough to send away without a second look. Because the revision part requires you to not only see what’s not perfect, but to also see what you can do to make a change. And change is hard.

Change is also well worth the effort. The thoughts that fly through all of our heads are undoubtedly brilliant but we have to work to get them to a point where our words reflect them as best as possible. The more we revise the closer we get to perfection – although perfection isn’t the goal. Revising forever is tiresome and terrible so there’s a moment when you have to just know that the thing you’ve made is put a fork in it done – but leave time anyway – just to see whether your most important points are on the page the best you know how.

Writing is experimental so it’s OK to change things up and Play with Voice when you feel like that’s fun. Anonymity could help shine light on whatever topics or thoughts you’ve previously thought of as unsuitable for wide release. Me, I’m trying to see what happens if I let little parts of different selves drip outside of the one you all know and sometimes love. But I like the idea of coming up with persona so the part of me that wants to run around in flapper dresses sloshing my olive scented martini all over other people at the bar can have a place to roam free.

So don’t be too proud to Pay for Readers. Cook your friends dinner for reading, or spend some dough on a local class. Later someone will be paying you, but for now – figure out what it is you write that makes people give a damn.

Blog publishing software allows you to get your writing to people quickly. Reference links, photo, videos and the once over for typos all add up to the last 10% – the part I like to forget to plan for. Details like categories, tags and headline rewrites make posts seem pro, so Plan for Production. Choosing new templates, changing designs or adding new features don’t count as production and are forbidden until the post is up and ready, all five steps complete.

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September 14, 2011

Managing Press

Managing Press is the third post in a series of five posts about Must Dos for Self Starters. The first post is on how to respond to requests in a reasonable amount of time and the second is on money matters, spreadsheet included. Today we’ll cover five things to remember when giving an interview with a magazine journalist.

1) You’re the Expert

These freelance writers are doing just what you do; working to create some new and exciting ideas to present to most of us who are picking their noses in front of computer screens late at night. In order to make us sit up and think you you have to pick one or two points that you and only you know. And then hammer them home as often as you can.

When you’re consulted about your area of expertise, your role is to be willing to say what you think and know. In most cases you’re most likely wrong but do speak with confidence regardless. If you’re done your research, your effort will most likely come through on the page when the time comes.

2) It’s OK to Say No

If you hear the words “but don’t you think,” stop and stand still in the middle of that empty open field filled with cold wind and heavy snow and say something like – that may very well be what YOU think, but I think differently, as I imagine you know. Then bow out. Turned around and step in the depressed footprints leading back to your small warm hovel with a fire burning. The fur rug on your stone floor is going to be a so much more comfortable than the conversation you’re about to embark on.

That’s it – disaster averted. There’s no way you are going to convince this person that your opinion is worth considering. You’ll end up getting angry and long-winded and you’ll forget the most important point: you and this journalist are not friends. You do not him or her anything, least of all your valued opinions, unless you’d like to make a respectful trade.

3) Be Visual

Provide your own photography to accompany the story where ever possible. Don’t allow magazine hired photographers to take your press photos for a story because you will end up looking like a goober. Definitely don’t allow press photographers into your event because they will make you and all your friends look like goobers.

Do team up with an awesome photographer who can represent you the way that you’d like. Treat that photographer like gold because she will be half your communications strategy. Trick of the Trade: charge standard photo usage fees to cover the extra cost.

4) Have Some Manners

Please send me a copy of the article when it’s published. Thank you for sending me the article. We appreciate you taking the time to include us in your piece. Or even – hey writer who was awesome and got our project – here’s another company we like, doing a similar type of thing that you might want to know about.

Follow-up can lead you to other writers, more press, new collaborations and even maybe somewhere down the road after years of working together, a sort of friend. All that work you did to get the initial inquiry and story? Only half its worth without continuing the relationship after the story goes to press. Even, let’s have a drink sometime after the article is out is acceptable (although still not the same as friends).

5) Answer the Question

Don’t ramble on philosophizing or questioning, expressing doubts about your understanding of consumer culture or the engine that drives the magazines that support what they do that, in turn, covers your venture. They very well may agree, but those are coffee table discussion and they are at work not in a coffee shop. Even if you are at a coffee table, picture the journalist wearing a suit in a dimly lit office with cubicles and half height dividers instead. Now you get the picture.

Journalists need to condense, simplify and package. Part of your job when you’re working with them is to make theirs as simple as possible. Imagine what you want to see in black and white words on the page and just say that.

And now we conclude today’s post and the third post in Must Dos for Self Starters. Next up in the series will be on finding collaborators and charging well. All in five paragraphs.

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September 13, 2011

Emily Vs. The Internet

The internet is to blame for my inability to trust myself. I’m sure of it. If there was a webpage that someone else made dedicated to my life I’d probably change myself to fit the page.

Why can’t you get off the computer already, I ask my boyfriend? Meanwhile I’m curled up around my iphone watching videos on home remedies for acne in the T-zone area. How many different options does one need to find the best way to apply olive oil as moisturizer?

Are Aries and Aquarius a good match, a co-worker asked me? I don’t know, I’ll do some research, I answer. Do some research? What kind of purple tight wearing internet addicted kind of crazy have I become? Why don’t I just ask the Aries and the Aquarius at the table what they think?

Part of my Myer’s Briggs profile is introverted thinking, aka know it all. Surfing the W creates new thoughts in my head that are not raging with to-do lists. But only yoga and meditation have encouraged me to feel on my own in a quiet self reflective manner.

So I decided, no more internet after 8pm. It’s like Mark Bittman’s vegetarian before dinner only flipped around: I can binge on as much internet as I want all day long. The evening is for home, friends and events – not fusing my brain to the screen.

Stay tuned for posts about clipping my toe nails, making collages and torturing the cat.

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September 12, 2011

Ariel Levy and Me

We weren’t friends exactly but we were referred to each other by a friend and so, I thought we could be friendly too. It’s not that we couldn’t in some conceivable parallel universe get along but we had radically different ideas about sexuality. Mine is: let women make out with strangers on the street, use vibrators during sex, have threesomes at thirtieth birthday parties if they want to. Hers is: women who try too hard to enjoy or promote sex are only fooling themselves.

She is not the first nor the last woman to make this argument. Today’s NYmag’s cover story includes Julie Klausner kind of slamming Zooey Daschanel for doing the cute girl thing. Why is that whenever one woman does something public that can be in some way seen as attractive to one man or another, there’s another woman warning her not to trust herself?

The email- notification about Ariel’s New Yorker article this week sent me into a flurry of solipsistic fear. But her book, the article, the ideas about women – none of that was ever about me. The only me that was really involved was the insecure me – the one that thought if my life was in conflict with someone else’s in some way, it must be me that is wrong.

AL’s article this week is about Wilhelm Reich, an orgasm evangelist who saw the body as a place of tremendous disruptive and revolutionary possibility. Whether or not one thinks that his orgone box was an imaginative metaphor or a paranoid delusion is a matter of psychological assessment. Either way, AL says the sexual revolution is a cyclical phenomenon: sex has been discovered time and time again in the same way: by two people in the bedroom.

We are always, AL says, looking for sex to serve us as something other than an evolutionary device. And so we buy into the secrets, the fads and the discoveries because we want to think that nature has provided us with a cure-all that’s been available to us all along. But where in there lies the harm?

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September 9, 2011

Every Day Reads

Each morning I open a few browser tabs with sites that I’ll refer to throughout the day. Just having the tabs open serves as a reminder of my ever changing relationships with work, money and opportunity. Without each of these sites I’d think differently about myself than I do today and for that I am very grateful.

Penelope Trunk’s blog contains a wealth of information about career management, life struggles, happiness research and most recently – homeschooling. Some day I’ll devote all five paragraphs to Penelope because every post is a gem that has dislodged a new paralysis inducing mind-block. Rationally minded fuel for a barrage of comments that are as enlightening as the original posts.

Learn about how to come back after bottoming out from a man who cooks crock pot dinners, reuses ziplock bags and makes friendships that are mutually beneficial. Longevity and behavior change are themes at The Simple Dollar - a blog about how to have fun being frugal. Readers write in with detailed life scenarios to get advice on personal finance.

Entrepreneurship has a lot of different facets and most of are covered somewhere in a question or an answer on Quora. The contributors know a lot about tech start-ups but also are helpful when planning trips, researching job descriptions or discussing the NYtimes paywall. Treat the format like a micro-blog with writing prompts or comment on other users’ answers to make connections.

All three inspire me to explore myself frequently and with dedication. Even when I don’t agree with a particular idea I admire the evidence of self-interrogation. Brave work and worthwhile no matter what the cost.

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September 8, 2011

Mind Your Money

Mind Your Money is the second post in a series of five posts about Must Dos for Self Starters. The first post was yesterday, on how to respond to requests in a reasonable amount of time. Today we’ll focused on money matters.

Too often what we want is not the same as what is sensible. Nowhere is this more dangerous than ~~online shopping~~ in your own venture. Here are five simple ways to watch over your short-term goals and long-term possibilities when you’re starting a new business yourself.

1. Make a Spreadsheet

You’ll want to have a few spreadsheets, actually: 1) for the year – with separate lines for the amount you think you’ll make each month & 2) for the month – with separate lines for the amounts you think you’ll make and spend that month.

So for example, if you were starting a pottery business and aimed to sell $1000 a month in pots every month, first make a yearly spreadsheet with 12 lines and add that column up to a projected $12000 in sales. Keep a column open for actual sale amounts to be filled in later.

Next up make another spreadsheet for each month of the year include both the money you think you’ll spend and the money you think you’ll make - like this sample. Keep three months of spreadsheets ready and waiting with projected sales and expenses. The actual balance each month carries over to the next spreadsheet.

2. Rest and Review

Carve out a little time each month to review the spreadsheet with you and your executive team. Numbers don’t lie – but every so often we humans make mistakes. Use this time to catch any misconceptions, misunderstandings or mismanagement before disagreements or disappointments arise.

Check back in with your yearly spreadsheet and enter your actual balance for the appropriate month. You’ll review the yearly spreadsheet no more than four times unless you are making big changes to your projected monthly revenue frequently. Your yearly sheet will tell you how well you did after, say, three months, six months or twelve months of operating.

3. Change where necessary

You may love the turquoise glaze you bought in September, but if you haven’t made more sales as a result you may decide to stick with the basic materials for October or until you have some decent cash flow. Spent less trekking your wares around the city than you expected? Treat your buyers with hand printed thank you cards for their purchase. Make changes to your spreadsheets for the following three months of projected expenses when adding or deleting line items.

4. Be Realistic

It’s not important for your actual $$ amounts to be the same as your projected $$ amounts. The projected number is just there to give you a basis for analysis. What you want is to blow your projected $$ amount away; but that takes some time. Even if you find yourself way below projected amount one month, don’t worry – as long as you have enough in the bank to cover the next three months of expenses, you’re in the clear.

5. Ask an expert

These documents are good for discussions. Don’t be afraid to show other people the numbers – being visible in an essential part of making money. Other people experienced in reading spreadsheets may see opportunities or oversights.

note to the reader: I did not go to business school and as such do not know proper finance terms. Richard Branson learned the difference between net and gross with a fishing metaphor. I just like to think of what goes in and what goes out and then what’s in the bank after I’m through.

got your own business? tell me how you keep your numbers happy without obsessing over how much is in the bank at any given time

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September 7, 2011

Respond Right Away

“I read this. It was good. Thank You.” A friend of mine send me these three sentences in response to an email. I could have been disappointed because she was so short in her reply, but I felt grateful for her email – because she responded right away.

Jen, my friend and partner in a chinatown guest house project, was really good at getting back to people as soon as they emailed a request. Twenty-first century communication, she’d call her method, but really she knew that when people don’t get a response in twenty-four hours or less, they start looking elsewhere. Even if she wasn’t sure about availability or we already booked she’d make sure to say so in a pleasant and time-efficient manner.

Do you want to go out for ice cream? Who doesn’t! See, answering quickly is simple.

Challenging questions can seem to require more time. Like when there’s a job offer you’re not sure about, a press inquiry that seems challenging or an invitation you are hesitant to accept. But letting time delay your response can mean confusion not clarity; without direct answers, people tend to fill in the blanks.

No smart phone? Set aside a time once a day to get back to people who contacted you since the last time you checked. If the email is harder to write than the time you have allotted, just write what you can. Even in difficult moment, sharing some part of what you think can be more important than how exactly you answer.

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September 6, 2011

Know Yourself, Listen Carefully

What do you know about now that you wish you had leaned sooner, I asked? I can tell you, answered a stranger. But if you’re even asking, you’re doing just fine.

We were both on a packed LIRR train coming back the beach after a forth of July holiday. Some unfolded beach chairs and lounged in the ailes to make extra seats. Others parked near the doors on coolers and leaning on bikes. If the AC was on, there was still enough heat to make the sweat drip down in between the flat part of my chest. And then, as if the crowd and the heat weren’t enough, the train slowed to a halt in between stations and stayed there for the better half of the afternoon.

Our knees were nearly touching. We sat face to face. Her hands lay comfortably in her lap and though we had been sitting on the tracks for almost thirty minutes already, she showed no sign of aggravation.

Her trip had been an annual visit with five other women from high school; an tradition they kept alive some thirty years after graduation. The host of their retreat had grown wealthy from years of running her own business but had also grown bossy and used to getting her way. And so, while the setting was lavish, the company had been grueling.

Her son lived far away from their hometown but without much purpose, at least as far as she could tell. In the same breath she described her peaceful house set in the forest, away from stress and other people. Laughing, she realized that her son’s choices in life were a lot like her own.

So when I asked her to give me some advice on ways to ease emotional distress, I was pleased to find that she had answers. Fish Oil pills and Dr. Weil’s muti-vitamins were easy enough to find. But google searches about the chakras revealed little more than line drawings of the human body segmented by glowing colored balls.

A class with a yoga teacher and friend of mine since childhood gave me my explanation. Laid out on my mat after an hour of stretching I closed my eyes for relaxation. Diana came around with fresh smelling ointments on the tips of her fingers to massage my temples and give the sides of my hair a slight and pleasant tug. When the pad of her pointer fingers touched the center of my forehead, I heard an inner voice say the word: knowledge.

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August 26, 2011

Three Ways to Creativate

I have a week off coming up and I feel like I need a plan. Maybe that says something about me – that I need a plan for my vacation. But I do.

Instead of a to do list I’ve written some guidelines to follow:

1) Get Focused

Keep space clean and simple
Dishes won’t pile up if you only have a few to wash in the first place. If you need to take some time to get rid of things you don’t need, that’s work that will save you time in distractions later on. Come up with a simple cleaning schedule or hire someone else to do a once a month deep clean for when things get busy..

Keep calm
This guy walked around the country for a while just to turn down the volume on the chatter inside his head directing him in every which way. It’s impossible to evaluate people or ideas well while in a state of anxiety. Concentration is a transferable skill worth cultivating.

Relieve stress
If having enough money is the thing that creates the most stress for you, then simply spend as little as possible for as long as you can. If you find yourself needing massage services, that’s ok – just remember to factor those costs into your long term budget as a part of any stressful job you take on. In each moment, imagine there’s a place around your heart that wants to feel happy and make it so.

2) Get Organized

Write down ideas
This American Life’s Starlee Kine got to interview Phil Colins about broken hearts by heeding this advice. Find one place write down your creative ideas, another for to dos and another for thoughts about other people. Careful of allowing too many notes to build up before condensing and consolidating (see below).

Condense and Consolidate
Here’s where the real work gets done and so, by nature, this step is the one that we most want to procrastinate. Remember that completing this step almost always will get you directly to the final one – when you’re ready to share your idea with someone else. Think of the feedback you’ll get and how much you’ll learn to help you get through second step of your process.

Rewrite and Release
Here’s where we have a good time putting finishing touches on what we want other people to understand about us. Any amount of cramping up during the last part of the process can possibly kill the whole project. Keep in mind one very nice person who could enjoy whatever you’re working on and hold yourself up to their standards.

3) Get In Touch

Remember who matters
Figure out who shares your values and tell them everything you can. Family counts because you share history and the past is the key to understanding the present. Anyone new needs investment so think about who belongs in your future and attend to those people carefully.

Be inventive
There are all sorts of ways of nerdy ways of reaching someone so try some that don’t include just you and the screen. Write a letters, make buttons and give them out or plan dates and keep to your commitments. Follow the fun.

Be present
No more just being there; it’s being there with intention that makes relationships work. If it’s feeling hard to to be fully available for the person you’re spending time with, remember who matters and be inventive (see above). If that won’t work, go back to getting focused and getting organize and before trying to get in touch again.

How about you guys: how do you make the most of your time off? Make a comment or send me a note. And if you catch me ignoring any of these tips please hold me accountable!

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